Thursday, August 26, 2010

Gotta Quit Googling...

Okay, for those of you who read my 1st blog, I'm sure you know now that I have an addiction to at times this has been really helpful in my life and answered a lot of questions i've had, and at times, it has filled my brain with totally useless information that leads me to do things such as write useless blogs that are hopefully keeping all of you entertained! A lot of you that are pretty close to me know that I've been going through some health issues with my son, Bulldozer, and as I was leaving the Dr.'s office today, all that was running through my brain was, "Gotta get home and Google, gotta get home and Google....".  Once again, I would like to share with you what I have learned today, courtesy of Google, and if you feel like you are displaying symptoms of one of these diseases, DO NOT feel free to contact me, as I am taking care of my son at this time, and no longer practicing medicine! (at least not legally...if u have my number, call me!)

Funny Diseases

*Collywobbles-a bellyache or butterflies in the stomach
Okay...there is a BIG distinction between the two, so let's try and figure this one out!  Last time I got a bellyache, it was caused from eating too much cabbage, and caused really bad was just altogether a bad experience and I haven't been eating much cabbage since...hell, I didn't even know that there was a name for this!  Now for the butterflies in the stomach....I have experienced this before and it was in no way related to a bellyache...I mean, I thought butterflies were, like, when you kissed that one special guy and you get that jittery feeling inside, butterflies in your stomach! 

*Rhinotillexomania-habitual or obsessive nose-picking
Ummm...or we could just call this "I'm a freakin sicko and have nothing better to do than dig in my nose all day!"

*Genuphobia-the fear of knees
Evidently Britney Spears doesn't have this, because she seems to stay on her knees!~

*Basophobia-the extreme fear of falling down, so much that someone with this disease never gets up.
OMG...I know someone who has this!!  No really, would you call this basophobia, or "I'm just too damn lazy to get up and I'm gonna blame it on a disease".....I guess basophobia is a lot shorter and probably sounds better than lazyass!

*Consecotaleophobia-the fear of chopsticks
Cure:  don't go to a damn japanese restaurant!

*Proctalgia Fugax-a pain in the ass
Causes include but are not limited to children that cry all night, parents that don't ever stop nagging, Nancy Pelosi, Barrack Obama and his entire family, the Kardashians, health reform bills, paying taxes, having to press one for English, hypochondriacs, the Texas Longhorns, whiners, the people working the window at Jack-In-the-Box, Spencer Pratt, people who put you on hold for 30 minutes at a time, people who only worry about themselves, the government,"CHANGE", ....I could go on and on, but I've gotta get SOME rest tonite and still have a few more diseases to educate you about!

*Sicka Yer Shit
The patient complains that he or she's "had it", that they're in the right, or that they've somehow been tormented by the disease's carrier. Highly contagious and often contracted at work or even among family members. Early onset can bring irritation, pursed lips, lack of interest in meaningless tasks, and unexplained staring. (Okay, I took a cigarette break and am holding some grudges at this time, and totally made this one up!)

*Priapism-an erection lasting more than 4 hours
Otherwise know as every woman's dream!

Thank you, for continuing to listen to my retarted blogs!  And as long as Google is still around, I promise I will never let you down!  JUST SAYIN!


  1. I think I'm feeling a bout of basophobia coming on...does this mean I can't get out of bed? 'Cause that's kind of what I'm aiming for?
    And your blogs are retarded, they're hilarious! I love that you took the time to google those diseases. somebody's got to, right!