Thursday, August 26, 2010

Gotta Quit Googling...

Okay, for those of you who read my 1st blog, I'm sure you know now that I have an addiction to at times this has been really helpful in my life and answered a lot of questions i've had, and at times, it has filled my brain with totally useless information that leads me to do things such as write useless blogs that are hopefully keeping all of you entertained! A lot of you that are pretty close to me know that I've been going through some health issues with my son, Bulldozer, and as I was leaving the Dr.'s office today, all that was running through my brain was, "Gotta get home and Google, gotta get home and Google....".  Once again, I would like to share with you what I have learned today, courtesy of Google, and if you feel like you are displaying symptoms of one of these diseases, DO NOT feel free to contact me, as I am taking care of my son at this time, and no longer practicing medicine! (at least not legally...if u have my number, call me!)

Funny Diseases

*Collywobbles-a bellyache or butterflies in the stomach
Okay...there is a BIG distinction between the two, so let's try and figure this one out!  Last time I got a bellyache, it was caused from eating too much cabbage, and caused really bad was just altogether a bad experience and I haven't been eating much cabbage since...hell, I didn't even know that there was a name for this!  Now for the butterflies in the stomach....I have experienced this before and it was in no way related to a bellyache...I mean, I thought butterflies were, like, when you kissed that one special guy and you get that jittery feeling inside, butterflies in your stomach! 

*Rhinotillexomania-habitual or obsessive nose-picking
Ummm...or we could just call this "I'm a freakin sicko and have nothing better to do than dig in my nose all day!"

*Genuphobia-the fear of knees
Evidently Britney Spears doesn't have this, because she seems to stay on her knees!~

*Basophobia-the extreme fear of falling down, so much that someone with this disease never gets up.
OMG...I know someone who has this!!  No really, would you call this basophobia, or "I'm just too damn lazy to get up and I'm gonna blame it on a disease".....I guess basophobia is a lot shorter and probably sounds better than lazyass!

*Consecotaleophobia-the fear of chopsticks
Cure:  don't go to a damn japanese restaurant!

*Proctalgia Fugax-a pain in the ass
Causes include but are not limited to children that cry all night, parents that don't ever stop nagging, Nancy Pelosi, Barrack Obama and his entire family, the Kardashians, health reform bills, paying taxes, having to press one for English, hypochondriacs, the Texas Longhorns, whiners, the people working the window at Jack-In-the-Box, Spencer Pratt, people who put you on hold for 30 minutes at a time, people who only worry about themselves, the government,"CHANGE", ....I could go on and on, but I've gotta get SOME rest tonite and still have a few more diseases to educate you about!

*Sicka Yer Shit
The patient complains that he or she's "had it", that they're in the right, or that they've somehow been tormented by the disease's carrier. Highly contagious and often contracted at work or even among family members. Early onset can bring irritation, pursed lips, lack of interest in meaningless tasks, and unexplained staring. (Okay, I took a cigarette break and am holding some grudges at this time, and totally made this one up!)

*Priapism-an erection lasting more than 4 hours
Otherwise know as every woman's dream!

Thank you, for continuing to listen to my retarted blogs!  And as long as Google is still around, I promise I will never let you down!  JUST SAYIN!

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Weird Sex Laws

Okay, so anyone who knows me well enough knows that I google everything....from what to feed my kid to how I can save on auto-insurance...So a few nights ago I went on an all-night google spree just trying to keep myself occupied so my ADHD wouldn't get out of control...I decided to google carseat laws so I would be educated on my responsibilty of a parent to keep my kid safe and if any of you fellow googlers out there know where I'm coming from, you have to go through about 20 links to find one that actually gives you valid information.  So I'm going through the different links, clicking on them one-by-one, searching for the carseat laws, and next thing I know, I've pulled up a page with sex laws in other countries!  Some of these were too good not to share, so here goes...and if I must say, as disturbing as some of these are, they are actually quite amusing!  JUST SAYIN!

Okay, let's learn a little about Lebanon...the country where it is legal for men to have sex with animals as long as they are female...Alrighty then!'s the deal...if someone is so sick as to have sexual relations with an animal, I'm sure they aren't too concerned about whether it is male or female...I bet animal rights activists would have a hayday with this one!  This one kind of makes me have flashbacks of a song written by my Dad, "Kiss an Angus Good Morning".  I wonder who is more pissed off about this...the woman who's husband is sleeping with an animal....or the animal that is getting raped by someone's husband....

Next on to the Muslims...No Muslims, not even the coroners or undertakers, can look at the genitals of a corpse...Dammit!  This is just a place where they take all the fun out of life! No, on a serious note...if you want to look at a dead corpse and have decided to choose the Muslim way of life, you must cover the genitalia area with a piece of board or a brick.....A BRICK????  Why not use Pee-Pee know, the little dealies they sale at Babies-R-Us that cover up your son's pee-pee so they don't pee on you while you are changing a diaper....I'm guessing they probably don't have those there if they have resorted to using a brick....Just sayin!

Cali, Columbia...the place where you can only have sex with your husband and your Mom has to witness the 1st act....Okay, a lot of you know my Mom and the relationship we was pretty open and I could talk to her about anything and we shared a lot with each other....but for Christ's sake, there are boundaries that should never be crossed and I feel like this is one of them!  I mean, what is the purpose of this?  Because if it is to make sure you are doing it right, I'm totally sure you can find someone other than your Mom to put in their two cents worth......

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal to have sex with a mother and her daughter AT THE SAME TIME!  Keyword here being "same time".  I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass a law to ban it?

So to sum it up, living in America is great!  No beastiality, no carrying a brick around with you in case you run into a naked corpse, your Mom doesn't have to come over for a romantic night with you and your husband, and you don't have to have it out with your Mom about who is going to sleep with your boyfriend first! JUST SAYIN!!

A Little About Me

Well...Let's start with a little about who I am and why I'm here....My name is Lacy Novin and I'm 27 years old.  I've been married for a little over a year now to my husband, Michael Novin....We have a 13 month old son, Bulldozer, who is the light of my life...We live in Linden, TX, which is a great place if you prefer not to wear a bra or shoes to the grocery store...I don't really have a lot of interests which is why I've decided to start was either that or actually trying to find something productive to spend my time on, and that wouldn't be any damn fun!  I mean, learning to bake and plant flowers would get old after a while, and I can only farm and clear my frontier for so long before it gets boring...Also, my sister is a fellow blogger and she's funny as i'm hoping i can uphold the family name and give people something to laugh about!